Friday at 5

On Friday June 17, 2016 at 5 pm I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  

Three weeks prior I had found a lump on my right breast while reading In Between Days by Teva Harrison,  a graphic novel about a woman living with cancer.  Lying in bed I asked my husband if he could also feel the lump, and he said he could.  

Now, most of my life I have been a bit psychic-ish.  I have had dreams and thoughts about things that end up happening in real life.  I get deep gut feelings that tend to prove true and that night a little voice inside my head said "I think I have cancer."  

When I went to my doctor, she had informed me that she was 95% sure that it was a cyst but that we would go and have an ultrasound just in case.  A few days later she called me with the unfortunate news that it was in fact a small solid mass and that they were concerned.  

Two weeks later, after a biopsy and a mammogram, and she calls me into her office at 5 pm to give me the results.  

When I walked into the office there were only two other people there, and they were leaving.  One woman was crying, the other comforting her.  Most of the staff had gone and my doctor was waiting for me at the door to her offices.  

She calls my name and begins to walk briskly, about 10 feet ahead of me, almost running, and at that moment I just knew.  

When inside the badly decorated taupe office she delivered the news.  I have breast cancer.  According to her, it's a small growing tumour and perhaps I will just need a lumpectomy and radiation and then it will be done. I really hope this is true.  But remember that this is coming from the same woman who assured me that it was a cyst only weeks before.  I am looking forward to my next appointment on Friday at the Juravinski Hospital in Hamilton to find out more and connect with an oncologist to tell me what the next steps are. 

I am scared. 

I am angry. 

I just want to be with my son and my husband and my dear friends and family.  

I want to move forward and get to back to good health. 

On Friday I became part of a club that no one wants to be a part of but that many are.  

This blog is going to be about my everyday trials and tribulations.  About my life as an artist and mother and woman living with breast cancer.  It might be a bit funny, and sad, a bit up too much and most definitely honest.  It will be about the people i meet along the way, the thoughts and processes, and how I navigate this world of cancer and care.  

I can guarantee you that it won't always be fun, but it will be real.  

Welcome to the world of Pity Face.